On Happiness

Hi! Me again, hope you had great week(s)!

Thank you everyone who’s read the latest post. Who’s shared the latest post, who’s grazed the latest post, who’s contacted me about the latest post. Knowing I’ve made even the slightest impact on any one of you is overwhelmingly wonderful. I have no words, and I always have words.

Let’s talk about happiness.

Some of the happiest memories I have come from the most disappointing moments of my life. Twisted? Maybe. Silly? Not at all.

See life is hard. We all know this. You can’t control what it throws at you. You can’t control who it throws at you. You can’t control how hard people throw things at you (I tried). You can’t really control anything.

Take wifi for a second. We all love wifi, we created wifi – but sometimes it just doesn’t work. And no, I’m not talking about the times you go somewhere and people protect the wifi password like the second coming of Christ so you can’t connect. And yeah, I kinda hate that I’m using wifi as a universal example right now, almost as much as the fact that I hate that it kinda is a universal example. That’s all for another time.

What I mean to say is sometimes you can be connected to your own, password protected wifi, in your own house, and it can cut out. All of a sudden Instagram isn’t loading, Snapchats aren’t sending, you get messages as TEXT (what even is that) so you check your settings and for some God-for-saken reason you’re connected to the equivalent of a rock, “xfinity-wifi”.

Life’s like that. It’s weird, so weird that so many people literally argue over why it is the way it is. People believe in and argue over the existence of lands other than life because it is literally so frustratingly weird that the very species who live it can’t agree on why.

If anything seems consistent in life, it’s the wifi cutting out the very moment you’re confident enough to post on Instagram. It’s the rare slip of your thumb that sends the message to Zoey that you like her (please tell me you all get this Zoey 101 reference). Lightning without thunder. Tragedy out of nowhere. If anything, life is consistent only in reminding you how inconsistent it is.

What does this have to do with being happy? Well, everything.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard time and time again that happiness isn’t a place, it’s a choice. Usually, when I don’t want to hear it. And I know, it’s easier said than done. And I know it sounds ridiculous, but take it from a happy person, it’s true.

See life throws you some pretty tough stuff. Nowadays you constantly hear people telling you it could be worse. I’m not going to tell you that. Everyone goes through things, some things seemingly tougher than others – but don’t you believe for one second that just because your tears seem small they must not matter. They do. They all do. Life lets us all down, regardless of how different that looks.

Being let down by life is one of the most wonderful times to choose to be happy.

Two years ago I was extremely comfortable. Super comfortable. So comfortable, actually, that I had started to believe I was happy just because of that. I was happy because life didn’t want to let me down anymore, which isn’t what being happy is all about at all.

So naturally, life ended up letting me down, hard.

In the way most things happen, slowly at first and then all at once, my world crumbled right before my eyes. I was terrified, I was alone.

That very night I held my phone and my chest and cried, hard. I was scared and I was hurt and I was, in no way at all, happy.

It was right then I heard a front door swing open. *Gasp*

(It wasn’t a boy)

I have around 8 best friends from my hometown, elementary school best friends, love-more-than-life best friends, friends I hadn’t seen enough when I was betting the house on the silly idea that life would just this once stop moving so fast.

One by one, the door slammed, footsteps carried through my house, the hallway rug filled with the same faces I whispered secrets to at middle school sleepovers, at 9:00pm on a Wednesday, 8 girls stopped their lives to drive across town and sit with me while I cried.

In the way most things happen, slowly at first and then all at once, I was no longer alone.

In the weeks that followed friends terrified of driving highways braved the city of Boston to come hold me. People left during lunch breaks to check in, took time out of their days to make me laugh, to remind me to smile.

I’ve never felt more loved in my entire life.

Life didn’t throw me my old world back. That’s just not how it works, or not how it was going to work for me. And I didn’t want it to.

See, something happened to me, I lost something I used to depend on, and it hurt.

But something important happened to me too.

I didn’t let that pain win. I picked the girls brushing my hair, deleting pictures from my phone, sitting in perfect silence and reassurance in the way that only people who really, truly know you can do – I picked love.

I picked being happy.

Life is never going to be easy, and it shouldn’t be. Ahead of me there will be more highs and lows, more joy and disappointment, more work and rejection.

But there’s also gonna be a hell of a lot more love.

I am a lucky girl. Maybe some of you are lucky enough to have friends like I do, maybe some of you aren’t – we all want for what we can’t have, and some, if not most of the time, that tends to be out of our control.

Wherever you are in your life, you got me.

Thinking of you,

Catherine

 

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