On Jazz

Hey guys! Miss me? I’ve missed you.

I’ve been having this problem that used to make me put writing down altogether – but since I made you all a promise, here I am, pushing my way through it.

I’m happy.

Yeah, I just said happy. No, I’m not trying to be over dramatic or romantic in that whole I’m-only-my-true-self-when-I’m-suffering way, but in the sake of honesty here – it’s kinda hard for me to write when I’m happy.

You see, I find myself thinking in this super circular way about happiness when I can’t sleep or when I should be doing something more productive than thinking in a super circular way about happiness and every analysis leads to a consensus that, until now, has given me the perfect “out” in terms of writing about it at all.

I tend to write when I want to think something through.

To me, writing is extremely cathartic. It’s raw and real and there’s just something about how fast keys can make words and how bold Times New Roman looks while it marches its way across a virtual piece of paper that makes the most confusing of heartache as simple as organizing a five-paragraph-essay. It makes things clear.

There’s something mysterious, I think, about happiness that makes us afraid to unwrap it piece by piece in fear of being disappointed. Or at least, that’s what I’ve thought until now.

Maybe it’s the fear of being wrong. I think mainly it’s the fear of being wrong, that keeps people from looking deeper into something that’s wonderful. The fear of looking dumb, of hurting yourself in the long term by being real about feelings in the now because deep down we’re all innately and acutely aware of how marvelously out of our hands this life is.

I’m not immune to any of that, to all of that. I’m human. But I have this feeling that maybe sharing when I’m happy will help steer the online attitudes about real, raw life into just that, happy.

I made this blog with a promise to whoever you are, wherever you are, reading this or skimming this – and to myself. I’m going to keep it. So, here we go.

I met a boy. Most of you have probably realized that already, on account of how I write about love and am now writing about being happy and also the whole I’ve posted with a male person on social media multiple times and oh-my-God-social-media-is-ruining!!!!-relationships!!!-there-is-NO-HOPE-for-millennials (when are we going to stop blaming technology and start blaming ourselves?), I’m just going to confirm it, I met a boy.

And I’m happy. But I want to get something straight right off the bat. I am not happy just because I met a boy.

Please reread that, like, lets say, 7 times.

I am happy. I met a boy. I am not happy just because I met a boy. 

He does, however, make me happy. (see circular mode of thinking above)

He is wonderful and genuine and amazing and kind and honestly is probably reading this because he remembers little things about me like when I nervously post these (and realistically because I will text him that this is up) and he’s really quite private so he’s probably rolling his eyes a little right now (oh, dear) but he knew what he was getting into dating a girl with a personal blog about love so here we are. I met a boy.

So far, I’m pretty keen on him, as you can tell. Maybe you’ll hear about him for years and years, maybe I’ll look silly. Life is weird. This is vulnerable. This is real.

He likes live music for whatever reason. We saw a blues band this past weekend, I thought they were a jazz band for the majority of their set. Sue me. Regardless, they reminded me of him. Everyone was carefree. People of all colors and backgrounds in a little run down restaurant went from clapping to dancing while the lead singer played the harmonica to a song he wrote himself. He took tips in his worn out hat, made the wrinkles on his shirt dance while he hummed tones that made it feel like I’d known him forever.

It was simple, it was wonderful, it was happy

Happiness is a journey, a choice, it’s millions of little bits throughout the day – it looks different to each and every one of us, but it feels the same.

I hope you all think a little about something making you happy right now, whatever that may be.

More happiness people, more jazz.

See you next week,

 

Catherine

 

 

2 Replies to “On Jazz”

  1. whoah this blog is great i really like studying your posts.

    Stay up the good work! You know, lots of people are hunting around for this information, you could help them greatly.

    1. Thank you so much! I hope you keep reading. I’m sorry I went AWOL for a little! I am trying to keep a healthy balance of posts like these where I put a fair amount of time and re-writing into them as well as some fun ones with things that make me happy. I hope you like it 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *