Hey guys! How are ya? Long time no talk.
As always, I’m going to shoot you all straight. I haven’t posted lately, and yes, I know I haven’t posted lately, and yes, I did have complete access to this computer as well as wifi for the entirety of the time I wasn’t posting.
Life got in the way, like it always does, and I’m not too bothered by it. I hope you all aren’t either. If anything, I wanted this site not only to have an excuse to write sweet, sweet nothings (lol) but to do my part in reminding the world that it’s okay to like, be human, you know? I hate hate, firmly believe that miscommunication is the root of feeling alone, and blame the fact that not enough of us use this medium of technology to spread our innately human qualities and, therefore, lead one another to feeling alone.
The hate thing will be for another post, probably. But yeah. I’m human, I didn’t write. I don’t love any of you less for whatever little hiccup you may or may not feel guilt over today, and hope the feelings are mutual.
I’ve missed you <3
Today, I want to talk about rain.
I’ve always loved the rain. The sound, the smell, the fact that it makes you want to cuddle up inside in the cold and the way you feel when you dry off in the summer spells – it rocks. For me at least.
There’s this saying I heard more and more as I got older and felt myself feeling younger. Whining internally “why me?” at things I’m aware are overtly trivial, and blessed problems – my Nana used to reassure me by saying;
“When it rains, it pours.”
Silly, I know. But my Nana was a wise lady. The wisest. And she knew people. And it makes sense if you think about the fact that most of the hubabaloo of failure is the whole part that it comes out of the blue. You think what did I miss? Where did I go wrong? HOW?
The trick about the whole thing, Nana pointed out, is the fact that it really isn’t avoidable. It’s necessary. You don’t know how to walk without learning how it feels to fall. You don’t learn how to write without misspelling restaurant every once in a while. You don’t have flowers without the rain.
I never want any one of you to read these posts and believe I’m looking for pity. That isn’t what this site is about. However, I toy with the whole practice-what-you-preach thing, and I want more people to feel okay with being, you know, people (see above) and it is a people thing to be let down.
So, I gotta prove it.
I didn’t have the easiest year. I am very aware and thankful for all that I have. Please read that twice. I am very aware and thankful for all that I have.
That doesn’t mean I, a person, cannot feel a little rain.
I have. I felt alone a lot this year. Felt myself looking for where I belonged, I lost competitions I worked hard to prepare for, friendships I thought were airtight, I saved every parking ticket for every interview in Boston I went to. I sent millions and I mean realistically hundreds of emails to employers, took notes on jobs and juggled carpool pickups to save up cash for gas – I heard “No” “It’s not us, it’s quite literally you” more often than I got a text back from people I never thought I’d need to chase.
It was as if everything that I knew about myself didn’t fit anymore. I started to believe, like the critical thinker that I am, that everything I was was the very reason I wasn’t getting everything I wanted.
It kinda sorta poured, you know?
But somewhere in that mess, somehow, in the way that most things happen, it all worked out.
The rain has a way of washing everything away. The rain has a way of bringing out beauty. The rain makes everything new.
The day after my graduation I heard about E&J Gallo Winery. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love wine. But seriously, their program, focus on leadership, character, and team atmosphere was one I wanted more than anything. I kept in contact with a woman who worked there all summer. An extremely close family friend (more of an aunt) was kind enough to send her information my way. I sent the woman emails monthly with updates on my life, questions about how she was, comments on the weather – there was no job available when I first met her, but I didn’t care. I was in awe of what she did, knew enough that I wanted to be just like her, whenever I decided to grow up, and went for it.
In the darkest of rainfalls, I kept E&J Gallo as my “dream job”. I never thought it would come to fruition.
Yeah, they were the ones I was late to on the most recent post. *Cue “AHHHHH” from the crowd*
I accepted a full time offer with them a week ago.
For every time I was too friendly, too young, too Catherine for anything other than my dream job, E&J Gallo wanted me.
I guess what I’m trying to say is this; it’s okay to not feel okay. Rain is a part of life.
Wherever you are, whoever you are, if you’re reading this at all or skimming this, thank you for making it this far. You are wonderful, you are important. Don’t ever doubt how magnificently unique you are. You are, magnificent, that is.
And if you ever start to feel a raindrop, how about you try and sing, for me.