On Where I’ve Been

Hi, it’s been a while.

Remember when I promised I wouldn’t go rouge because I really liked to write? Me too. I’m sorry. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, for one reason or another, I didn’t write. I stopped. I gave my word and took it back, and that’s really all that matters.

See I started this because I don’t only like to write, I like to talk. I like to feel like I’ve made people’s lives a little easier, brighter, or at least a little more entertaining. I wanted this place to push myself to continue to work on my craft, and to appropriately do that, I have to admit where I’ve lacked.

For one reason or another, people trust me with advice. I appreciate it immensely, to me, it’s one of the most genuine forms of a compliment. Somebody whom I care about, regardless of how close we are in relation, trusts me with something hurting them. Because people don’t ask for advice unless they’re in a situation they don’t like, you know? Asking for advice is an extremely vulnerable act, it’s a humane act, it’s admitting that being real comes with pain on occasion and you’re trusting somebody to help you through that. We all need help every once in a while.

So in the spirit of honesty and advice, I have to come clean about something. I have been gone for a while for many reasons; I was graduating, applying to jobs, living my life to the fullest, etc – but I was also afraid. Yes, me, Catherine Emond, the one who loves advice, was too afraid to ask for it.

You see I dealt with a lot of rejection this past semester, and it made me scared. Normally, as a writer, I thrive in rejection. I find it beautiful, a sort of darker soil of life that when looked at in the right light, with the right amount of water, grows the strongest flowers. It’s a critical aspect of life, and I used to love it.

Something happened to me this year, I was tired. I was scared, I was guarded and withdrawn. I kept saying I was working on myself when all the while I was avoiding the very pain that I’ve sworn to cause the greatest growth. I was lying. I hate liars.

Honestly, words that should have literally washed off of my back stung, critics felt like they screamed, and I believed it all.

I’m not writing this for pity. I’m writing this because regardless of who you are, where you are, or where you’ve been – all of us are human. All of us get scared, all of us fall, all of us hurt.

I want all of you to know that if you ever feel as though you need to take back control; like you’re falling so fast that you can’t really breathe, so fast that all you feel capable of is praying to land, I want you to know you just need to open your eyes to wake up. You can mute the mean, better yet, you’ve been holding the controller the entire time. It might take a while to believe, you might start to wonder how far down the Rabbit Hole really goes but I promise you, the power to step right out, is yours. Dorothy searched the entire Emerald city just to realize she was wearing her ticket home, so look at your feet. People will criticize you for whatever you choose to do, however you choose to do it. Don’t believe me? Literally ‘Google’ anything about anyone. There are people out there who hate puppies; hate Disney, hate air! (It’s a ‘lifestyle’ apparently)

And guess what? Everyone has a right to hate and love whatever they want. But hating on hate isn’t going to get anyone anywhere. Being afraid of being different won’t make criticism go away. Most importantly, regardless of what you believe in, the scientific chances of you being born (statistics, ya’ll) are astounding. You’re here for a reason. Each and every one of you, each difference, microscopic to magnificent, literally fought its way to make you, you.

None of us are perfect, but all of us are real.

Thinking of all of you,

Catherine

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